Jillaroos star Kennedy Cherrington has admitted she struggled during her four-game NRLW ban because she feared it could cost her a Test spot.
Cherrington was at the centre of one of the most dramatic moments of this year's season when the Parramatta captain was sent off and banned for a dangerous throw.
The lock knew immediately the round-three tackle on Laishon Albert-Jones had gone wrong, apologising on the spot and anticipating a send off the second the Newcastle forward was put on her head.
She was handed the longest ban in NRLW history at the judiciary and forced to watch on as her Eels slumped to the bottom of the ladder.
“Footy is our identity so when it's taken away from you, it's like, 'oh like what do I do now'?" Cherrington said.
"I kind of felt a bit helpless with training in that four-week period. I'm not afraid to say I was dealing pretty badly with mental health.
"I'm one of the ambassadors and facilitators for Greg Inglis' Goanna Academy with the work he does there, so I'm not afraid to speak up and say I was going through a tough time.
"But I had a really good support system and got through."
The 24-year-old did see some silver lining from the ban because it gave her the chance to earn game time and play for the Prime Minister's XIII alongside younger sister Rueben against Papua New Guinea last month.
Cherrington will come off the bench for Australia in Saturday night's women's Pacific Cup opener against New Zealand in Townsville.
But after being a member of last year's World Cup winning team, Cherrington admitted she feared at one stage what impact the ban would have on her selection chances.
"I was up in the air whether I would get selected for any of the (Tests)," she said.
"Being a current Jillaroo, I wasn't sure, because I needed to be playing games.
"I burst into tears when I found out Reuben was playing.
"I was a mess when I found out she was playing, I was so happy."
Cherrington said she felt fresher after the ban, given she has been limited to eight matches since the end of April.
“Resilience is one of my best characteristics that I like to be proud of so now I just have to park it, move on,” she said.
"My body feels great, I think that was the longest break I've ever had.
"Because before that we had the World Cup and went straight to All Stars, then straight to the (NSW) Premiership (before State of Origin and the NRLW)."
