The Melbourne International Comedy Festival demands more attention than the city's other events, according to Celia Pacquola, because comedians desperately need to be noticed.
"Comedians really need the attention," she said at the launch of the 38th festival on Tuesday.
"It's almost like we're missing something inside - we really need you."
Pacquola performed her first-ever gig at the festival 18 years ago (she lost at the open mic RAW Comedy finals to someone called Hannah Gadsby) and has returned with her first stand-up show in five years.
"The Melbourne Comedy Festival is my favourite comedy festival in the world - it's my favourite audience to play in the world - and I'm so excited to be back," she said.
The 2024 festival features its biggest program yet, with more than 650 shows and 800 performers.
Kicking off a festival mid-week was a power move, said Pacquola, who also had some suggestions for the city's other events including the Formula One Grand Prix.
"Keep everything the same except one small change - what if every car had a spider in it somewhere?" she said.
The winner of 2023's most outstanding show, Gillian Cosgriff, took to the stage to sing an ode to Melbourne and its four seasons in one day, as well as a fifth season known as hayfever.
She also let the crowd know the collective noun for multiple mullets - a Brunswick.
The winner of the 2023 RAW comedy competition, Henry Yan, said the coolest thing about his victory was that he had started to believe in himself.
"Whenever I used to bomb at gigs people used to say 'oh man, he's trash,' but now when I bomb at gigs they are like 'oh man, he's a genius'."
UK comedian Rob Auton mused that the world is a stage, one which has become more theatrical since the invention of the vape pen.
"I'm stepping into mystical cherry flavoured atmospheres - what are these dramatic new environments I find myself in? Just the slipstream of someone sucking on a coping mechanism," he said.
Victoria's Minister for Creative Industries Colin Brooks was excited to see some comedy, but his staff had made him promise not to try and crack any jokes.
The festival was serious business, he said, with 736,000 tickets sold in 2023, putting it on par with the Australian Open.
Lord Mayor Sally Capp showed no such hesitation, opening her speech by asking "Why did the mayor cross the road?".
To get to the 38th Melbourne International Comedy Festival, of course.
The festival runs from Wednesday until April 21.
