Bronson Xerri has detailed how he wants to become a rock for other NRL players dealing with mental health issues, after making his return from a drugs ban.
Xerri played his first NRL game in four-and-a-half years on Friday night, admitting his return felt far more significant than even his debut at age 18 in 2018.
Banned after testing positive to performance-enhancing drugs when at Cronulla, Xerri has made no secret of the mental health battles that followed.
But the Canterbury centre believes he is now out the other side, and a better person for the four years he spent in exile.
"I'm emotional thinking about it," Xerri said.
"I ran out there (on Friday), took a deep breath and I was extremely grateful. I kind of soaked it all in and said ‘I’m back, this is where I belong’.
"As much as I put myself in that position, I’ve grown so much as a person. I’ve got my close friends and family around me that have helped me over those four years.
"I want to be that person who can help someone that’s going through adversity or that has mental health issues.
"I’m always a phone call or a conversation away for anyone at the club."
Xerri's return came on such short notice he was not able to have a pre-match jersey presentation, after winger Blake Wilson was ruled out with illness on Friday.
His mum instead spoke to Bulldogs players and staff after the match, where she was invited to a presentation for Xerri in the Accor Stadium sheds.
"There were some very dark days, so I needed them (my family)," Xerri said.
"My mum was my rock for the four years. To hear her say a speech after the game was very emotional.
"She’s the only one who has seen me through the actual dark days.
"She told the club how hard those four years were for me and the family. She’s so proud of me and how resilient I am.
"I think any 19-year-old who went through what I went through probably wouldn’t come back from that, so I’m proud of myself.
"I could have put my head down and not had that dream again, but here I am and I’m coming back for more."
Xerri believes he can still reach the same speeds he did at age 18, when he was viewed as one of the fastest players in the competition.
But he is still adapting to a much quicker NRL, with the rules having changed significantly since he was informed of his positive test in May 2020.
Xerri's comeback came on the same night Michael Jennings also made his return from a three-year ban for performance-enhancing drugs when subbed in as 18th man for the Roosters.
"It was crazy because I debuted against him," Xerri said.
"We all make mistakes in life, and I’s crazy how resilient we are and how we can come back from it."
